The negative power of assumption

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.
~Alan Alda

We are all entitled to our own opinion, of course. But sometimes it is safer to keep it to yourself. You may think you know what is right for your partner, child, best friend or parent, but the harsh truth is – you don’t. The only thing you really know is what is true for you.

So often when sharing a conversation with someone, we are told that we have made the wrong decision or that we should rethink our motives and action plan. These assumptions are often what stop us just as we are about to succeed, as we are about to find happiness and follow our heart. That is when we need to remember that these assumptions are simply that – something that someone else has conjured up in their mind as result of their own circumstances.

That is not to say that the opinions of those who care about us are not valid. It simply means that WE have the power to CHOOSE what we want to believe and DECIDE which truth is our truth.

Reversing this situation, remember that you have also been one to offer unnecessary opinions. The next time someone you care about shares something important with you, rather just sit and listen instead of making an assumption based on your own judgments. And if your opinion persists, take a moment to think about what has been triggered in your life – what are you scared of, where are you afraid to go, what do you wish you could do with your life?

We like to think of ourselves as altruists, but in essence most of us are self-centred – not selfish, just self-focused. So when we have conversations with people around us, 90% of the time we aren’t listening whole-heartedly, we are actually thinking about how what is being spoken about affects our own lives. This is not a bad thing, however it is not always necessary to share these concerns in the moment. Sometimes it is better to just remain quiet and then simply ask questions. Take yourself out of the conversation and be the altruist you want to be – the listener, the empathetic friend, the support, the encouragement. And if you have no idea how to do that, just start by listening without thinking about yourself.

Rather than making a judgment and highlighting all the things that could go wrong with your friend's / partner's / parent's / child's plan (because ultimately that's what we do - whether it is to protect them or because it's a personal reaction), simply get them to make up their own mind by asking the right questions:

·          How are you going to do that?

·          How do you feel about it?

·          What’s next in your plan?

·          Do you have any fears about it?

·          How can I help you?

By asking the most simple questions, you allow the light to clean up your incorrect assumptions and, instead, shed some light onto your interactions and into your very own life. Plus, the next time you have something you want to talk about, that friend / parent / partner will more than likely allow you the courtesy, too, to speak freely without judgements or assumptions.