Know your value, find your way

So often we find ourselves in situations that do not honour us. We agree to do something that doesn’t sit well with us, or we get involved in a gossipy conversation just to fit in. When we find ourselves feeling uncomfortable, it is generally as a result of going directly against our morals.

Knowing your values gives you the strength to be who you really are. By simply living a life that contains people and environments that agree with your values, you will find your happiness factor rising considerably.

The reason for most arguments in relationships, friendships and work situations is the clashing of values. You know that if your top value is truth and someone lies to you, you will find it very difficult to ever trust that person again. The same goes if your top value is achievement and you happen to be dating someone with a lack of drive and ambition. You are most likely to fight a lot and will probably end up separating.

The truth is, there is probably nobody else out there with the exact same value sequence as you, so life is not about finding someone who has identical values to you. It is, however, important to know your values and the values of those around you – particularly your partner. By knowing your partner’s values, you create an atmosphere of understanding AND you are able to please your partner with ease.

I know that if I come into contact with someone whose top value is self-confidence and mine is love, it will be easy for me to lovingly give them a compliment. I am then using my value to speak directly to theirs by saying something that will boost their confidence and make them feel good. We are then likely to create a lasting relationship. But if I went up to that same person and lovingly insisted that they could do with a session at gym, I would still be in alignment with my values, but not theirs. This would definitely be a catalyst for a fight – or at the very least, a negative emotional response.

My suggestion is that you decipher your values and then try to get the people around you to do the same. There are hundreds of values to choose from, but here is a list to get you started:

• Wealth
• Success
• Peace
• Balance
• Love
• Happiness
• Honesty
• Loyalty
• Integrity
• Achievement
• Truth
• Trust
• Optimism
• Self-worth
• Generosity
• Kindness
• Empathy
• Compassion
• Openness
• Respect

Once you have chosen your top 5 values, rank them in order of importance. Then consider how you may use them or not use them daily. These 5 values can (if you would like them to) become your blueprint for life – guiding you along your path, helping you to find your true purpose.

For example, if compassion is your top value, but you feel like your life is full of selfish means with no show of compassion, it might be an opportunity for you to show your compassionate side. Perhaps a career in community work or welfare is what you really need to make yourself happy?

By using your values as your compass, you will always find happiness, fulfillment and success.

Bring yourself back to life

Today’s blog is dedicated to a force beyond many – a woman by the name of Jessica Webster.

If you were listening to Highveld this morning, you would have heard about Jess and her plight - thanks to her sister Bryony.

Jess was in an armed robbery when she was in her early 20s and a gunshot wound left her paralysed. But she refused to give up. She made it clear to herself and the world that she was not going to live her life in a wheelchair. Her sheer determination and belief in herself ensured that she is now able to walk today.

I haven’t seen Jess for a while, but today’s broadcast reminded me of her infinite power. Imagine if we all had the ability and confidence to stare life boldly in the eye and summon the courage to say NO! Every morsel of Jess’ make-up believes that she will walk again and so far, she has proved that she knows best! By standing up for what she believes in, she has made it happen.

Instead of accepting her fate as forecasted by doctors, she stopped listening to everyone else and tuned into her little voice inside. The voice that whispered to her every day that she COULD get out of bed, that she COULD face the world and that she WOULD walk.

We all have those times where the universe feels like it’s closing in on us, where every day feels like a battle and happiness seems like this intangible star, floating further and further away from our grasp. It’s times like that when we need to learn to be like Jess – to stand up, tune in to our inner wisdom and gallantly shout NO.

The next time you find yourself being led by the opinions of others or doing something you would rather not do, take a deep breath and simply say no. Saying no does not mean that you are unwilling to compromise or give to others, it simply means you are allowing yourself to be free to choose the life you want for yourself.

Jess did not choose what happened to her, but she did choose HOW she would let it affect her life. She chose to be positive, she chose to be brave, she chose to fight. And her fight was all about taking control of her circumstances – being the survivor, not the victim and not allowing anyone else to tell her otherwise.

So, if you feel like life is running you as opposed to you being in the driving seat, stop complaining and start taking charge. Only you can stop you from becoming what you want to be. Nobody can take away your power. Nobody can stop you from being a champion. You are the one who decides. You are the one who can turn your life around. And you can do it right now.

To Jess – thank you for making me believe that anything is possible. Hearing you on the radio this morning has brought me back to life – a life that I am going to take charge of!

FYI - Not only is Jess a motivational force, she is also an astounding artist. To see some of her work, have a look at http://www.jessicawebster.co.za/

Everyone, let's go forth and conquer. The world is ours for the taking!

The Art of Surrender

There is something to be said about those who follow their heart’s true desires – people who can see their goal in bright, shiny letters and never take their eye off the prize. Those are the people who get what they want, when they want it. Those are the people I envy!

To master this art of goal achievement, you need to be able to live in a state of trust (so these successful people tell me). You need to learn how to surrender. In direct opposition to my understanding, surrender doesn’t actually mean giving up, it simply means letting go. Your goals are there, in the back of your mind, but you are willing to let go and trust that whatever is meant to be, wherever you are supposed to be going, you will get there – but only when you are good and ready.

Society struggles with the virtue of patience. We want everything to be as it should be right here and now. We have forgotten how to enjoy the moment we have been blessed with and instead focus all our energy onto the future – or even worse, the past. We know that the great author, Eckhart Tolle, specifically told us to live in the power of now and to focus on every second, but sometimes (let’s be honest) it’s damn hard – especially if our present situation is not exactly what we hoped for!

There’s no shame in wishing that your life were otherwise, but there’s something to be said about dwelling on what you don’t have. Some things are simply out of our control. To feel truly happy, it is imperative to learn to surrender. That is not to say that your goals become null and void, it just means that you are willing to trust that everything will work out for you when all the necessary elements are in place.

If you can move peacefully towards your aspirations, while remaining completely present in your current situation, you will find that doors will open up for you. And because you are paying attention to the moment, and not the future, you will be able to see the doors and you’ll walk through them with pride. But, if your head is constantly down, pushing to make your dreams a reality, you will miss everything else that is going on around you. You need to grant yourself the permission to stop trying.

That’s right, STOP TRYING SO HARD!

Have you ever felt so burnt out that you can’t even drag yourself out of bed in the morning? That is a sign that you are trying too hard – you are pushing directly AGAINST the order of your life, meaning you are actually battling your own soul. This is bound to tire you out – it’s like going into a boxing ring with yourself!

Instead, be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. When you accomplish something – no matter how small – reward yourself for listening and doing something you love. Next time you make it to the gym or you take yourself to watch a movie on your own, pat yourself on the back and say well done for doing something you wanted to do. This is the start – from here, you can have a whole life of things you dream of, but you must learn to let the universe play its role as your mentor.

Move towards your goals with peace in your heart and be determined, not desperate. Desperation will shift your goals further away from you, instead of bringing them closer. If something that you long for is not happening, learn to accept it and know it will happen when the time is right and you are ready for it.

Know in your heart what you want, and in your head, let go. Release and surrender. And every day, you will move even closer to your dreams without you even knowing it!

Creatively inspired

We've forgotten about him (that darn awesome guy)

Who used to make school time simply fly by

His name's Dr Seuss and I wrote this for him

To say thanks for making me a kid again:

You might just be (some may say)

A little bit crazy (in a very nice way)

But lucky for you I’m partly nuts too

So let’s fly away on a kite to the zoo

Let’s visit green rabbits and pink cockatoos

Then we’ll have ice cream and sit in our shoes

Until the time comes when the moon starts to shine

And all the ponds glisten with swamp guts and slime

Oh wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a dream

Where everything laughed and no one was mean

A place where people hugged trees and the grass

And nobody ever got spanked on the ass

One day it’ll be mine for all eternity

But for now, I’ll just wish and I'll hope and we’ll see

Cos I know that a place like that would be smart

Where children (and adults) could follow their heart

Becoming unstuck

A fresh start they say. That's what they call it. But I call it something else - I call it the courage to become unstuck.

It’s been an uphill battle and I’m not even close to where I want to be, but the bedazzled lining on those fluffy balls in the sky is slowly starting to show – thank everyone and everything that is holy!

For the past few months, I have felt that yukky sticky black stuff creeping into my life again. It seems to rear its ugly head every time I start to feel stuck. It’s like this toxic waste fills up my body – my emotions become dull, my mind chatters non-stop and my body, well let’s just call it ‘average to poor’ on a good day.

So, in an attempt to cheer myself up, I took to the couch with a slab of Cadbury’s finest and  my favourite chick flick - Eat, Pray, Love. About 30 minutes into the movie, I realized I was far from cheery - the tears were streaming, the heart was longing and the mind was completely overwhelmed. No, no, no that wasn’t right dammit!

I pressed pause (PVR of pure joy) dragged my sorry ass outside onto my balcony (because it was the only place I felt like I could actually breathe) and just as Liz had done 15 minutes earlier, I looked up at the sky and asked (OK more like wailed) ‘WHYYYYY?’ (in my head of course – I live in a complex, waling would definitely ruin my street cred!)

I don’t quite know what I was hoping for – maybe a bolt of lighting would beat down and strike some sense into me or a delicate and vivid vision would appear detailing the path I needed to take to get me out of this mess. Or I would hear an angel whisper some beautiful calming advice that would lead to a life epiphany?

Nope. None of that.

Instead my tears suddenly stopped. I felt like I could breathe a little easier. And the only thing I could think about was the bookshop (my favourite place on earth). Now THAT made me smile! But before I could move, it started again – the incessant chatter from my mind:

But you wanted a day off, maybe it would be better to just get back on the couch?

Perhaps I should call my friend, I know she loves this bookshop, she might be able to talk some sense into me!

And then the best one (the one that rears its ugly head the most when the black sticky stuff is around)…

Wouldn’t it be easier to just eat?

It was at the point that I wanted to punch my own mind out of my very own head, because the thought of having no thoughts at all was far more appealing than listening to all that CRAP! And so I did what I had always been too scared to do – I told them to SHUT UP. I trusted my little voice, the very first one that entered my mind and made me smile. And I listened to it. It led me to the most fantastic afternoon in the travel section of the bookshop – so much so, that I have now found the answers I had been searching for.

The black stuff hasn’t completely gone yet, but I can tell you that the estimated time of disappearance is T minus 5 days or so. After that day on my balcony, I exercised when my little voice told me to and I did whatever I felt like doing – running some days, dancing around the house on others, even meditating when my energy was really low. When my little voice told me to eat some fruit, I made a smoothie – because I hate fruit, but I refused to turn to the dark side and reach for the chocolate again. I discovered a love for things of my past by buying a French vocab book for my trip to France next year. I even managed to smile. 

And that smile now lasts for almost an entire day at a time. All because I listened to the real voice - the one that spoke first. That’s the only one that really matters.