Becoming unstuck

A fresh start they say. That's what they call it. But I call it something else - I call it the courage to become unstuck.

It’s been an uphill battle and I’m not even close to where I want to be, but the bedazzled lining on those fluffy balls in the sky is slowly starting to show – thank everyone and everything that is holy!

For the past few months, I have felt that yukky sticky black stuff creeping into my life again. It seems to rear its ugly head every time I start to feel stuck. It’s like this toxic waste fills up my body – my emotions become dull, my mind chatters non-stop and my body, well let’s just call it ‘average to poor’ on a good day.

So, in an attempt to cheer myself up, I took to the couch with a slab of Cadbury’s finest and  my favourite chick flick - Eat, Pray, Love. About 30 minutes into the movie, I realized I was far from cheery - the tears were streaming, the heart was longing and the mind was completely overwhelmed. No, no, no that wasn’t right dammit!

I pressed pause (PVR of pure joy) dragged my sorry ass outside onto my balcony (because it was the only place I felt like I could actually breathe) and just as Liz had done 15 minutes earlier, I looked up at the sky and asked (OK more like wailed) ‘WHYYYYY?’ (in my head of course – I live in a complex, waling would definitely ruin my street cred!)

I don’t quite know what I was hoping for – maybe a bolt of lighting would beat down and strike some sense into me or a delicate and vivid vision would appear detailing the path I needed to take to get me out of this mess. Or I would hear an angel whisper some beautiful calming advice that would lead to a life epiphany?

Nope. None of that.

Instead my tears suddenly stopped. I felt like I could breathe a little easier. And the only thing I could think about was the bookshop (my favourite place on earth). Now THAT made me smile! But before I could move, it started again – the incessant chatter from my mind:

But you wanted a day off, maybe it would be better to just get back on the couch?

Perhaps I should call my friend, I know she loves this bookshop, she might be able to talk some sense into me!

And then the best one (the one that rears its ugly head the most when the black sticky stuff is around)…

Wouldn’t it be easier to just eat?

It was at the point that I wanted to punch my own mind out of my very own head, because the thought of having no thoughts at all was far more appealing than listening to all that CRAP! And so I did what I had always been too scared to do – I told them to SHUT UP. I trusted my little voice, the very first one that entered my mind and made me smile. And I listened to it. It led me to the most fantastic afternoon in the travel section of the bookshop – so much so, that I have now found the answers I had been searching for.

The black stuff hasn’t completely gone yet, but I can tell you that the estimated time of disappearance is T minus 5 days or so. After that day on my balcony, I exercised when my little voice told me to and I did whatever I felt like doing – running some days, dancing around the house on others, even meditating when my energy was really low. When my little voice told me to eat some fruit, I made a smoothie – because I hate fruit, but I refused to turn to the dark side and reach for the chocolate again. I discovered a love for things of my past by buying a French vocab book for my trip to France next year. I even managed to smile. 

And that smile now lasts for almost an entire day at a time. All because I listened to the real voice - the one that spoke first. That’s the only one that really matters.

What now?

So we get the job, the house, the car. We have the friends, the family, the partner. We plan the wedding and the babies. We have the wedding and the babies. We save for their education. We keep working, making money, paying bills, saving, getting through life. We have done it all - so they say.

AND THEN?

We have no idea who we really are or what we want from life. We are trapped in supposed ‘societal bliss’, but it feels more like a jail cell. We long for more but we are locked into a contract for life.

AND SO?

We go mad. We eat more and exercise less. We battle fatigue and struggle to concentrate. We fight with our family and stop communicating with our partner. We cannot see the light no matter what.

AND WHY?

Not because we did all the things that society programmed us to do. Because we did it all against our own will. Before we were ready. When we were only half of who we really are.

AND?

The moral of the story is: stop listening to everyone else around you and start hearing yourself.

There is no need to follow in the footsteps of everyone around you if you truly aren’t ready. There is a beautiful journey waiting for you and only YOU have the map. Committing to anything that seems too big for you is like burying yourself alive – a lifetime of suffocation and claustrophobia.

Instead, be patient.

WAIT until you are a whole entity before giving yourself to someone or something completely. And if you aren’t whole yet, go and find the other pieces of your soul – they’re out there somewhere, waiting just as patiently. And only you know where they're hiding.

Itchy Feet

For those of you who have travelled the globe (either literally or in your mind) you will have experienced moments of indescribable happiness - those profound times when your entire perception of life changes due to something you discovered. You will also know how difficult it is to stay put after that. Once you have had the opportunity to take in new places, people and cultures, you get hooked on the euphoria of endless discovery.

Unfortunately society does not agree with spontaneity like this. It urges us to stay put by implying that success comes from creating a set foundation and cultivating it. Success at work means being a loyal employee and giving your life to one job, success in relationships means staying still long enough to get married and have children, success in life means money and making lots of it – BUT, what does it mean for you?

If your version of success does not that comply with the rules set by society, perhaps it’s time to reassess what the word truly means for you.

For those of you who suffer from itchy feet and long to travel to exotic locations or simply take the time out to learn new things, what is stopping you from doing it? There is no need to become a cog in a machine at a job you dislike or the second dead half of a relationship that’s stale. If you feel as though your pulse is fading and the life inside you is getting harder to find, you need to start making those itchy feet walk. There is an endless world of possibility out there, ready to coat you in happiness and colour you with fulfilment.

One thing to remember on your adventures is that if you are exploring in the hope of discovering yourself, you may need to stop for a moment. The real you is not out there somewhere, it is within. The discoveries you make on your explorations may help you to free yourself, but if you want answers to questions about soul mates and your soul purpose, everything you wish to know is right under your nose.

I am a strong believer in taking time out to reconnect with the cosmos and give yourself the soul food you need. Adventures are the best type of soul food as they send bolts of electricity that shock you back to life. Whether it’s travelling, taking yourself on a date or starting a hobby, do something today that satisfies your need for more.

The itch is there as your warning signal that life wants you to find a solution to your current situation - the only thing left to do is scratch it!

Coming Back to Life

Year 2011 has been a tough one for most of us – big life changes are happening and we start to realise that perhaps everything in our little bubble isn’t as perfect as we once thought it was. Everything is not, in fact, as it should be – and so, we find ourselves trapped in the endless search for meaning.

Whilst chatting to a friend about this constant search, she said something quite profound: ‘This year is all about learning our life lessons. 2012 is the year of rebirth, so if we don’t learn the lessons we are meant to learn, our soul cannot break free and find true fulfilment next year.’

I have definitely felt a universal shift of energy this year – not just in myself, but in the constant motion around me. People are rocking, swaying, bouncing; some are even running around in circles – their internal pendulum swinging rather than finding enough balance to remain still.

Stillness is something we feel when we are in complete alignment with our soul purpose – when we are doing something that evokes such happiness that we feel like we are lost in time and space. I have recently felt this stillness during a painting class, where my soul took over and FOR ONCE (in a looooong time) my mental chatter halted.

Suddenly, I connected with the life lessons the universe was trying to teach me - only because I switched off and let my soul do the talking. In one moment, I learnt more about myself than I have in years of study and self-exploration. I now know why my soul has been nagging to me to get myself to art classes –not only did I find internal peace, I also had an epiphany that led me to realise my true calling in life.

I encourage you to do the same. If you have the urge to do something or go somewhere, then DO IT – it’s your heart screaming out for love and your soul yearning to have the real you back. Your inner voice is trying to connect with you so that the right doors can be opened, allowing you to fulfil your true purpose.

For some, it may be horse riding, taking a run, reading a book. For others, it may be cooking, baking, painting, drawing, sculpting or even connecting with nature or playing with animals. You might even have a destination in mind, somwehere that has been calling you from afar for some unknown reason. Whatever it is that makes you feel like you want to dance around in glee, even just thinking about, go and make it happen. This is your still place - the space where all your questions will be answered. If you are ready to find solutions, to re-energise and revitalise, go and find your place of peace. Listen to the messages you have been receiving and take action. And dont forget: brace yourself as you are about to shock yourself back to life!

Make it Happen

Creative ventures, travel, relocation, new hobbies – we all have those dreams that consume our thoughts. But why do we struggle so much to make them a reality?

‘If only I had more time / money / creativity / talent / confidence, then I would be able to do everything I have always wanted to do.’ This mental block is the one obstacle that stands in the way of making these hopes become real. And funnily enough, you are the one creating it.

We like being the victim of our own destiny – never able to achieve what we yearn for as a result of a poor childhood or not enough support from our parents or those around us. This ensures that we are kept safe from success – never subjected to the spotlight and the opinions of others. In the same way, it allows us the freedom to continue complaining – if we can’t get what we really want, then we have a reason to be negative, grumpy and moody.

Imagine what would happen if we sold that painting, published that book, travelled to that place, took that course or made that change? We would have nothing left to complain about, we would actually have reached a point of satisfaction. And we all know what that means…

Happiness, fulfillment and joy of course! But, then again, we humans don’t like to be happy. Complaining and moaning are far more pleasing than smiling and taking some time out to actually ENJOY life!

In our painful quest to make something of our lives, we become so consumed with the outcome that we rarely enjoy the process. We worry if our book will sell, if anyone will like our painting, if we will make friends in our new location, if we will be any good at our new hobby – and in our dire attempt to be successful, we end up destroying our passion and all the many sparks that set us on this destiny path to begin with.

In those times, it is imperative that we take the time to breathe. Stop writing, painting, making travel arrangements, searching for the right course for a while and instead take some time out for you. Turn your phone off, disconnect yourself from your social life, leave work early, forget about being perfect and looking after everyone else. Take the time to nurture yourself and your soul. Free your mind and do the things you LOVE to do – watch your favourite movie, take yourself shopping, go for a walk in nature, have a picnic in your garden, buy yourself a pet. Whatever you do, make sure it is just for you.

Because, in finding yourself again, you will have the strength and the confidence to move forwards and make your dreams a reality.

Too busy, too bogged down

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

- Dr Seuss


Why do we wait around for the 'right' time to make a difference? There will never be a right time, there will never be a perfect cause, there will never be a possibility of helping everyone we encounter in our lives. But there is the option of caring a whole lot for one person, or even a handful of people.

If every person took the time out to truly care for another on a daily basis, there would be a million more smiles and infinite amounts of good energy around the world. If you question this theory, just think about how you feel when someone shows you that they care a whole awful lot - whether it's your partner, colleague, boss, friend, sibling or even the kind shop assistant - that simple expression of mindfulness towards you is enough to change your entire mood into something bright and warm.

Now imagine you could do this for those around you and then imagine you could do that for those who can't even remember the last time they were hugged. And imagine we all started doing our little bit to care that small ounce more - to tell those we love that we love them, to smile at the person next to us, to anonomously pay for the car behind us in the parking queue, to give sandwiches to the homeless, to spoil our partners to a romantic dinner, to buy a gift for a friend in need.

It doesn't take a lot, it just takes a thought. A thought that extends beyond ourselves.

If someone like you cares that little bit more, things will get better. Of that, I'm sure.

-The World

The Gift of Insight

I am guilty of it, just as I am sure many of you are - always looking for more. As much as we achieve and succeed, we have a tendency to be greedy for more. Recently, this has been pointed out to me quite evidently - looking back at my journal entries at the beginning of the year, I have achieved everything I set out to and yet I still find myself feeling discontent and wanting more.

I have no idea what has caused it and to be very honest, I have no solution to this feeling of longing, but I do know that savouring the moment, living mindfully and embracing the present is a gift that I would love to learn (but have not yet conquered). Meditation has always been the answer when I have asked the universe how to connect with the present moment, but unfortunately I happen to have an extremely active mind and no matter how much I try to still it, its playful nature keeps my mind on its toes!

So, I set out to work out how to love life and every moment. I don't know if I have yet succeeded, but I am certainly trying. Instead of simply looking at the sun, I now try to really feel it - the warmth on my skin and the way it lights up patches on my bed, creating little pools of heat where I can lie and read my favourite book. Instead of regarding cooking as a chore, I see it as an opportunity to be creative and try out something new and exciting. And, the biggest one for me - instead of feeling like work is a waste of my precious time, I use it to learn - gaining knowledge from others and perfecting the art of something I am passionate about.

I am no expert in 'being present', but I know that if I can see through the mandatories of every day and regard them all as little pieces of insight, then life will be a lot more bearable. Heck, it might even feel fulfilling!